


splash goes my heart

by sundazed



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Idiots to two idiots in love, Light Angst, M/M, Markno if you squint, idiots to lovers, pt student renjun, really just an excuse for me to use this tag:, swimmer xuxi, they're really just two idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundazed/pseuds/sundazed
Summary: Renjun works at the school clinic and Xuxi always finds a reason to get checked so he could see him.





	splash goes my heart

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a distraction fic but it kind of went a little out of hand. also, I know there's already so much of tsundere Renjun in the tag but I couldn't resist. 
> 
> unbeta'd! I hope you enjoy this mess~

“This is the third time this _week_.”

Renjun sighs as Xuxi, who is flanked by an apologetic Mark and an unamused Donghyuck, walks—or _limps_ —into the clinic. 

Renjun wordlessly examines the limping leg without making much effort to hide his irritation at the swimmer who merely smiles at him like they’re friends — which, and he’s already made this very clear, they are not.

“What happened?” Renjun’s eyes flit to Mark and pointedly ignores the six-foot mess in front of him.

Mark scratches the back of his head. “Uhm, he forgot to stretch?”

“What kind of competitive swimmer forgets to stretch?!” 

“The dumb kind,” Donghyuck, reading Renjun’s mind, supplies.

“I am right here.” Xuxi raises his hand, but Renjun, choosing to direct his attention to the cabinet, grabs the supplies that he needs.

“Where’s Nurse Sooyoung?” 

“Out for lunch,” Renjun says flatly as he rubs alcohol in his hands. “May I?”

Xuxi beams. “Go for it.”

Renjun wants to punch the shit-eating grin off his face.

“Maybe we should wait for her,” Renjun retreats. He does not get paid enough for this.

“No, please. Pain, ugh. Now. Please.”

The agonized expression Xuxi makes does not convince Renjun, knowing full well that he could get a bit overdramatic.

Last week, he stopped by complaining about water in his ears.

On Monday, he wanted to get his eyes checked because his vision got blurry— _underwater_. 

The other day, he asked for help because he stubbed his toe on a bench. His goddamn pinky toe.

Xuxi is getting on Renjun’s last nerve. 

Even Nurse Sooyoung seems to have had enough of Xuxi’s shit; she just doesn’t want to say it. The implication was clear, however, when she authorized Renjun to attend to Xuxi every time he comes in now.

Renjun huffs, “Fine.”

“Thanks, Renjun.”

Xuxi is annoying, more so when he pretends to be nice to Renjun.

Renjun does not hold back. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

* * *

The next time Xuxi comes back, he says his shoulders are sore.

“Understandable,” Renjun sighs before instructing him to take his shirt off so he could apply the KT tape. 

“Nurse Sooyoung’s out again,” Xuxi says, observation rather than a question.

“Perhaps you have perfect timing.” 

Renjun’s sarcasm does not faze Xuxi who obediently strips and turns his back towards Renjun. 

“Don’t drool,” Xuxi quips.

Renjun smacks the back of his head. Xuxi whimpers, but does not fight back. He knows he deserved it. 

Renjun has worked too long in the clinic to be affected by the show of skin, much less Xuxi’s skin. _Gross_. 

“Bold of you to think your wimpy shoulders have any effect on me whatsoever,” comes Renjun’s defense, which, truthfully, is a half-lie. 

Renjun begins applying the tape, careful and delicate. He’s not blind. He knows Xuxi has broad shoulders, toned from swimming and working out. Renjun can’t deny that.

But that’s normal for swimmers. So, no. Renjun is not affected at all. No, sir. 

“I know what you’re trying to pull,” Renjun says knowingly.

“What?” Xuxi turns towards Renjun. “Oh, if you think I enjoy being in pain then—“

“No,” Renjun presses hard on the tape effectively causing Xuxi to flinch. “I know why you keep coming back here.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Xuxi grabs his shirt and Renjun begrudgingly helps him when he sees him struggle. Then Xuxi croaks out, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

_Bingo._ Xuxi’s face says it all.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anybody.”

Renjun feels good. Finally, he has the upper hand. Not that Xuxi has anything on him, though. The walking tower doesn’t intimidate him.

Evidently befuddled, Xuxi prods, “What, exactly, are you getting at?”

“You like Nurse Sooyoung.”

Xuxi only gapes at him— _bullseye_. 

Renjun tries not to smirk but it’s a reflex and the bubbling in his chest is too difficult to tame.

“Aha! See! I knew it!”

Xuxi shakes his head incredulously, making Renjun’s victory taste even sweeter. The swimmer scoffs. “You’re out of your mind.”

“I mean, your pinky toe? Really?”

Xuxi gets on his feet. “For the record, it really hurt!”

“Well, then,” Renjun rises. “Maybe next time stop being an idiot and wear shoes instead of those ugly slippers!”

Renjun eyes the Nike slippers to confirm. And yes. They _are_ ugly. 

“They’re comfy!”

“They’re a hazard!”

Xuxi crosses his arms, offended. “Mind your own business.”

It’s absurd that Renjun is even having this argument with Xuxi but _what the hell,_ the audacity of this jerk. He hears Jeno’s voice echo in his mind telling him that he should take it easy and kill him with kindness instead. _Oh_ , he’s going to kill him alright.

“Stop colonizing my clinic then!”

Xuxi laughs. “ _Your_ clinic?!”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, lover boy,” Renjun stands on his toes, willing all the sass in his body, and points a finger at Xuxi. “But I will not allow nor tolerate any of your ridiculous excuses to see Nurse Sooyoung anymore. This is my place of work and I don’t get paid enough to deal with your sly ass!”

When Renjun is done with his tirade, he’s out of breath and his calves hurt. Fucking giant.

“Wow,” Xuxi only stares at him and Renjun swears that if he laughs again, he’ll have no choice but to resort to physical violence. “Okay. I see bedside manners haven’t been covered by the course syllabus yet.”

“Oh, you little sh—“

“Okay,” Xuxi raises his palms. “I’m going. I’m sorry.”

And for the first time, Xuxi actually looks genuinely sorry. It makes Renjun feel a teeny tiny bit bad. Maybe he _did_ go a little too far.

“Look—“

And Xuxi turns around so fast, he hits his knee on the bedframe. Idiot.

“Okay, first of all, you really need to be more careful.”

Xuxi raises an eyebrow. And Renjun doesn’t know where he’s going with this, either.

“Second, just—please. Come up with better excuses. And maybe actually stop by when she’s here and I’m off-duty?”

“No, actually, that’s not—“

This should really count as Renjun’s good deed for the day. Jeno would be proud. He just needs to omit the part where he temporarily lost it.

Renjun gingerly places a hand on Xuxi’s shoulder, which is a far reach, but Xuxi is sensible enough to bend his knees. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say thank you.”

Xuxi opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. So Renjun deals with him the best way he knows how.

“Now, go away,” Renjun pushes him—gently—out the door, “before I break your toe for real.”

* * *

Midterm exams are drawing near. 

Renjun has practically moved into the library, spending all of his free time in between classes studying and sneaking in a few winks. He prefers the quiet here, in comparison to the cramped coffee shops, which sell overpriced drinks for mediocre taste, Jeno keeps dragging him to. 

Renjun is rudely pulled out of his reverie when the chair in front of him is suddenly being dragged across the floor. 

“What do you think you’re doing?”

His voice slightly above a whisper, Renjun earns a few glares from the neighboring tables. Renjun does not pay them any mind, and Xuxi, who’s taken a seat across him, seems to have no plans of looking up anytime soon.

He ignores Renjun’s question, and Renjun altogether, in favor of his binder. Renjun cranes his neck, eyes sweeping the room brightly lit room. Unfortunately, the library really _is_ full. And there really is no other place to sit. 

Defeated, he sinks back into his seat, but not without boring holes into Xuxi’s bowed head. Sighing, he puts his headphones back on, an implicit way of saying _don’t talk to me or perish_ , and continues reviewing the pathophysiology of diabetes. 

Thirty minutes pass, as signaled by his Pomodoro timer, and Renjun shakes away his drowsiness. In his concentration, he did not realize that his uninvited table mate has already left. Checking the time, he realizes he only has five minutes to get to his next class, which, unluckily for his short legs, is in another building.

_Shit._

He gathers his things swiftly, and he’s just about to get off his chair when he notices the note and chocolate.

_For an energy boost_ , the note says. It isn’t signed, but Renjun knows whose unsightly handwriting it is. Curse Renjun’s brilliant memory and that one class they shared in freshman year where they got paired up for an assignment.

He picks up the chocolate—Kitkat. His favorite. Damn it.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” he mutters to himself as he pockets the note and holds the bar delicately so as not to break it.

If Xuxi thinks he can bribe Renjun with diabetes bars into being his wingman, then he’s awfully mistaken. He’s going to have to do better than that.

* * *

Renjun bumps — quite literally, in fact —into Xuxi a two days before his last midterm exam. He’d been high on caffeine the entire week; the black sludge practically pumping in his arteries and veins where his blood should be. But this morning, he woke up too late to get his coffee fix, and he ran to class as fast as his protesting body would allow.

It was the last corner before he’d reach Room 303 where his Kinesiology class is held at 8 o’clock on the dot, the one in front of the library, where he crashes into him. 

It’s quick — one moment his book and binder, along with Xuxi’s things, are on the floor and in the next, Xuxi is shoving them back into Renjun’s hands, gesturing for him to move quickly because _Dr. Bae is right behind him_.

He gets to class on time and occupies the seat beside Jeno who’s already taken out his laptop. Renjun wonders aloud how Xuxi would know Dr. Bae, and Jeno tells him that he takes the same class as a Sports Science major, except he has it in the afternoon. 

The cogs in his head click just as the first slide flashes on the whiteboard, and the adrenaline from the exchange keeps Renjun awake throughout the class.

* * *

Renjun floats out of the lecture hall, eyes droopy and very ready to close at any time. His bag, stuffed with his laptop and a book on Kinesiology he has to return to the library, miraculously weighs slightly lighter now that he’s finished his last midterm exam. 

Customarily, he and Jeno would go out to celebrate, rewarding themselves with a well-deserved feast of grilled meat and bingsu. But his nightly coffee shop adventures has burned a hole in Jeno’s pocket, (quite literally, in fact, since he spilled piping hot coffee on his jeans the other day), and Renjun’s salary doesn't come in till the end of the month.

“Let’s go get ramyun at Hangang instead, then?” Jeno offers.

Renjun lets the phone rest lazily between his cheek and shoulder as he pulls out the book out of his bag. “Cool. I’ll meet you at the gate after my shift.”

”Aren’t you supposed to go back to work next week?”

“Mhm,” Renjun hums, smiling at the student assistant, who looks bored out of her wits, manning the library counter. “But I promised Nurse Sooyoung I’d help her out since all the athletic competitions are coming up.”

“Oh, you mean the swim meet.”

Renjun is just about to counter him when the SA taps her nail on the counter to draw Renjun’s attention. “I’m afraid this is two days overdue.”

“Uh, no,” Renjun furrows his brows. That’s not possible. Renjun never returns a book late. He has a color-coded calendar. “It’s due tomorrow, the 26th?”

“Uh, no,” the SA mimics. “It’s due Tuesday, the 23rd.”

“Aren’t the books due a week after you borrow them?”

“Yes,” the SA nods, redirecting her attention to the screen. “And you took it out on Tuesday, the 16th. It says so right here. Look.”

True enough, the screen glows and mocks Renjun.

**_Brunnstrom’s Clinical Kinesiology: Checked out by Huang, X. 08/16/18. Due on 08/23/18._ **

“There must be a mistake. I clearly remember—”

The SA simply shrugs, “Sorry, little dude. I’m just doing my job. And my job is to believe what the little screen says.”

“But—”

“Hi, Yerim,” greets a familiar irksome voice. “You know, he hates it when you call him little.”

Yerim’s expression almost immediately changes from slightly annoyed to a little too chipper. 

Renjun turns his head so fast, he almost gets whiplash. He kind of regrets it but he stands his ground. “Are you a fungus? Don’t you have to groom your gills or something?”

“What?” Xuxi asks exaggeratedly, eyes wide and voice a little too loud. The student assistant, Yerim, doesn’t shush him down, though, and only laughs at him. “Pick a species, Injun-ah.”

“You keep sprouting out of nowhere,” Renjun huffs as he pulls his wallet out to pay the fine. “And don’t call me Injun. We’re not tight.”

He raises his palm at him, not letting him speak any further. And then the realization hits him—

“Can I see the screen again?”

“I already told you, it was due on _Tuesday_. But if you insist.”

Renjun squints at the name: **_Huang, X._ **

“Hey,” Renjun points at the swimmer who’s taken an interest at the screen, too. “Huang, X! That’s you!”

Xuxi bites his lip as he reads the screen. “Oh, yeah. That _is_ me. I probably handed you the wrong book when we crashed.”

“Good,” Renjun says and he tells Xuxi to pay the fine instead. “You did return the other one, though, right?

“Yeah, right after I bumped into you actually. It’s not entirely _my_ fault,” Xuxi pouts, resentfully pulling out the 2000 won fine and handing it to Yerim. 

“Oh, no! That’s fine,” Yerim smiles, far too sweetly, at Xuxi. “I’ll cover it.”

They go back-and-forth with the money (Xuxi ends up putting the money back in his wallet) and Renjun silently watches as Xuxi engages Yerim in conversation—something about a party after the swim meet on Saturday. He stands there with a raised eyebrow, arms folded across his chest, and an increasingly burning temper. He coughs, effectively catching their attention.

“Yes?” Yerim asks through gritted teeth.

“Sorry to interrupt whatever’s going on here,” he waves his fingers across the space between them, “but I need my ID back?”

Yerim flushes. “Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, little dude.”

Renjun rolls his eyes so hard, he swears he saw a glimpse of his brain. He sees Xuxi open his mouth, so Renjun wastes no time dashing to the door. People should really stop flirting when they’re on duty. It’s so unprofessional. 

Renjun’s about ten steps away from the library when a hand pulls his elbow back, making Renjun stumble backward and right into the chest of the rude attention-seeker.

He turns around to face the exact person he just ran away from. He steadies himself, declining the support Xuxi attempts to give him.

“For the love of all things celestial, what do you want?”

Xuxi retracts his arm, as he should. “Did you see the Kitkat?”

“Yes, and I enjoyed it.” Renjun continues walking, Xuxi tailing him. “Thanks. But no, I will not be your wingman.”

“That’s not—”

He stops in his tracks to turn around but he bumps into Xuxi’s chest again. “Maintain distance when walking behind someone, please. And don’t try to fool me. I know how that devious little mind of yours works.”

“Really?” Xuxi says, and it’s unsettling how amused he looks. Nothing is amusing in this situation. “Then what am I thinking now?”

“Don’t be dumb,” Renjun continues walking. “We’re not close enough for telepathy.”

Thankfully, Xuxi doesn’t tread on his heels anymore. He’s about to turn a corner when he hears him shout, “Maybe we should change that!”

Renjun stops himself from turning around. 

* * *

“Nurse Sooyoung isn’t here.”

Friday, Renjun’s favorite day of the week, has come. His least favorite living being, however, has decided to ruin it by disrupting his peaceful refuge again.

“I see that.” Xuxi walks in, duffel bag slung over his shoulder and ugly slippers in full view. 

“Then what are you doing still standing there? You seem fine. And didn’t I already tell you to come up with a better game plan?”

“I didn’t come here to see her,” Xuxi says as he sits on the bed way too comfortably. “I came here to see you.”

Renjun shifts in his chair to face him and waits for him to elaborate. When he doesn’t, Renjun arches an eyebrow. “What? You think I’d be welcoming you with open arms?”

“Touché,” Xuxi nods and then he stalls again by asking Renjun about his day. 

In lieu of an answer, Renjun shoots back, “What are you doing here?”

“I-I-uh,” Xuxi, rubbing the back of his neck like Mark always does, stutters out.

“Come on, find your words, big boy,” Renjun prods, his interest increasing tenfold about what Xuxi has to say if it’s embarrassing enough to turn him into this sputtering mess.

“Iwantyoutocomewatchtheswimmeettomorrow.”

Renjun knows that Xuxi, a native Cantonese speaker, struggles with his Korean still. And it is evident with the way the words unnaturally stumble out of his mouth. So it takes Renjun a while to figure out what he’s just heard, but when he finally does, a feeling that he has long buried in his chest (he forgot it was even there in the first place) threatens to resurface.

“You want me to _what_?”

“Watch the swim meet tomorrow.” Xuxi’s voice is barely above a whisper, so it provides Renjun no help in believing what he’d said.

“Why?”

“I don’t know! Research?!”

“Research?”

“You know, won’t it help you? As a physical therapist? Like, study how the body works underwater?”

Xuxi is making absolutely no sense. “You are making absolutely no sense.”

Xuxi groans, jumping off the bed (which really wasn’t necessary because his feet could touch the ground the entire time). “Just come. If you can. If you find the time.”

“We’re not friends.”

“ _Exactly_ ,” Xuxi enunciates, exasperation prominent in his voice. “And I really want to know why not. I mean—we used to—“

Renjun is afraid that whatever comes next will fully awaken the feeling he’s put to sleep a long time ago, so he cuts in, “I’ll be there.”

“Really?”

“Y-yes.” It’s Renjun’s turn to stutter. “School pride. And Jeno said he wants to. For Mark.”

Xuxi is positively stunned; he must have thought he would have to sacrifice an arm and a leg to survive the conservation. And in the next moment, he looks relieved. Renjun hates Xuxi when he’s annoying, more so when he’s smiling dumbly at him. 

“I’ll see you there, then?”

Renjun grimaces. “Not looking forward to it.”

Which, Renjun would never admit, is a lie.

* * *

It is a truth universally acknowledged, Renjun has discovered early, that Xuxi is a natural flirt. 

It was clear then when first met the charming swimmer, and it is clear now as he watches Xuxi talk to his _admirers_. Unsurprisingly, Yerim is part of the crowd. It's weird to think about how someone who’s a student just like them, who goes to the same cafeteria everyday, who studies in the same library, has _admirers_. Renjun still refuses to call them “fangirls” as Jeno had earlier suggested.

Granted, Xuxi is deserving of the attention he’s getting for bringing home the beacon or snatching the gold or whatever headline’s going to be on the school publication on Monday. He did effortlessly win three medals for all three categories he was in. That’s impressive even for him. It’s just weird to see people practically drooling over him. 

He pulls a heart-eyed Jeno away from Mark, who won gold in a different category, and tells him he wants to go home. Renjun can tell by the way Jeno looks back longingly at Mark that home is the last place he wants to be at the moment.

“Fine,” Renjun gives in. He’s annoyed, but he’s not going to cockblock his best friend. “I’ll see you at home.”

This earns him a soul-crushing hug from the crescent-eyed boy, but Renjun laughs, instead of squirms, in his hold. He smiles at Mark, too. Anyone who makes Jeno happy is a good bean in Renjun’s book, regardless of who they’re best friends with (i.e. Xuxi). 

Renjun’s walking towards the glass doors when somebody shouts from behind him and grabs him by the elbow. This is slowly becoming a recurring scene in Renjun’s life now, and there’s always only one culprit.

“Wait, Renjun, I—”

“What, Xuxi?” 

Renjun faces Xuxi, and he swears he sees the rabid admirers snarl at him in his periphery. 

“Let me walk you home,” Xuxi whispers. “As a thank you. For coming today.”

“You don’t have to. I can go on my own,” Renjun whispers back. Then the memory of Yerim and Xuxi talking in the library flashes in his mind. “Don’t you have a party to go to?”

“I already told them I’m not coming. I’m pretty exhausted. From, you know, carrying the weight of our university’s pride on my back.”

God, he is such a _jerk_. Renjun doesn’t miss a beat, “You’re so full of yourself.”

Xuxi is laughing and Renjun frowns more intensely. “I’m kidding,” Xuxi says in between giggles. How can a guy this tall _giggle_? “So, what do you say?”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because everyone’s listening”—Xuxi swings his head towards the direction of their onlookers before bringing his eyes back to Renjun’s—“and I only want to spend time with _you_.”

Renjun has watched enough nature documentaries on National Geographic to know that in this situation, Xuxi is the predator and Renjun is his helpless prey. So, really, Renjun should know better than to fall for his trap, but the heat travels quickly from his neck to his cheeks and a certain feeling balloons in his chest. 

For fear of being accused of blushing, Renjun does what he does best—he walks away.

But Renjun’s short legs can only take him so far, and Xuxi’s long strides catch up to him. Flustered, Renjun brings his hands to his face, “What are you doing?!”

“I said I’d walk you home!” Xuxi whisper-shouts.

Renjun panics and looks Xuxi up and down, “Dressed like _that_?!” 

It seems Xuxi has forgotten he’s only wearing his Speedo until then and flushes immediately upon realization. “I-I-I’ll go get changed.”

Embarrassment bubbling in his chest, Renjun avoids his gaze. “I-I’ll wait outside.”

Renjun waits. He waits even when the admirers leave (Yerim pretends to not see him). He waits even after the opposing teams leave. He waits even when Jeno and Mark walk, hand in hand, past him. 

It’s ridiculous, and he doesn’t know why, but he waits.

“Renjun!”

Xuxi runs up to him, hair damp and his duffel bag slung over his shoulder like always. The only difference now is that he has forgone the slippers in exchange for orange high-cut Chucks.

Renjun doesn’t know what suddenly possessed him, but his annoyance dissolves at the sight of it, and he laughs despite himself. “Is that Dragonball?”

Xuxi looks down, chuckling, “Yes. My sister hand-painted them.”

“That’s cute,” Renjun says before he could realize what he’s saying. “I mean, it’s cute that your sister did that for you.”

Heat covers his cheeks again, so he starts walking quickly, leaving a gobsmacked Xuxi in his wake.

Xuxi recovers soon enough and jogs to Renjun’s side. “Thanks for waiting.”

“You owe me.”

They walk towards the gates quietly, and the sidewalk is just big enough for the two of them, so their elbows touch even when Renjun tries hard not to. The air is throbbing with energy, Xuxi has been fidgeting ever since they’ve left the indoor pool building, and Renjun can’t take it any longer.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“This,” Renjun waves his hands between them, “Walking me home. Being friendly.”

“Because I want to.”

This is exactly what Renjun cannot process. “Why do you _want_ to?”

“Because…” Xuxi trails off. And Renjun waits again. He tilts his head to the side and prods Xuxi to continue. “Because I want to know why we stopped being friends.”

Renjun stills. He knew this day would come, especially since Xuxi has made his trips to the university clinic more frequent even if all the varsity teams have a medical team of their own, but he has not prepared himself at all for the actual thing.

Hypothetically, yes, Xuxi and Renjun are friends. Hypothetically, they’d probably be really good friends. But, hypothetically, Xuxi shouldn’t have kissed Renjun at a party then act as if nothing happened the week after, either.

Xuxi is a natural flirt, Renjun knows this much. But Xuxi is also one of the funniest, kindest, most caring people Renjun has met. Xuxi is annoying, more so when he makes Renjun’s knees wobble with his words and Renjun’s heart lurch with his actions.

Voice trapped in his throat, Renjun walks away like he always does, and Xuxi grabs his arm as always.

“Why do you keep walking away from me?”

Renjun doesn’t answer. Instead, he sprints as fast as his legs would allow. He runs past the guards, past the gates, past the convenience store they used to always frequent. 

Lungs burning and mind whirring, he stops when he reaches the last corner leading to their dormitory.

When he looks back, Renjun feels his eyes sting when he sees Xuxi isn’t there.

* * *

Renjun doesn’t see Xuxi for a while.

Xuxi doesn’t go to the clinic to bombard him. He doesn’t see him in the library when he’s studying. He doesn’t bump into him before Kinesiology class nor does he see him at the cafeteria.

Renjun should be basking in, _savoring,_ it, he’s finally gotten what he wanted. But his guts twist in his stomach and no matter how much he tries to distract himself from the feeling, the feeling just _begs_ to be noticed. 

“You look like you stepped on horse shit.”

Jeno sets the pot of ramyun on their coffee table before joining Renjun on the sofa and poking his side relentlessly to _speak up_. 

Renjun sighs. “It’s Xuxi.”

“What is it now?” Jeno laughs as he reaches for the chopsticks. “Did he come by to get his larynx checked because his voice sounds funny underwater?”

“No. No, he didn’t come by at all.”

Jeno stops mid-stir of the pot, eyes settling unsettlingly on Renjun. “And you’re sad he didn’t?”

“I don’t know!” Renjun groans before burying his face in the pillow. “I hate him!”

Renjun’s voice is muffled against the cushion, but Jeno hears him loud and clear because soon, he’s nudging his side and loosening Renjun’s grip on the poor pillow.

He should be happy, celebrating, that Xuxi has finally fallen off the face of his Earth and stopped orbiting him. But Renjun feels like _shit_ and he feels shittier by the minute. 

“You miss him?” There’s no underlying slyness in Jeno’s voice; his tone is of concern and understanding and his expression shows that he’s having a hard time deciphering the sudden frustration as much as the owner of said feeling. 

“You know why we stopped talking, right?”

Jeno nods. Renjun groans some more.

“Then why did he have to barge into my life again like _that_?!”

“Maybe he just wants to be friends again.”

“Or maybe he wants to ruin my life.”

“Junnie…” 

“You know I had a crush on him the second I laid eyes on him,” Renjun laments, accepting Jeno’s offered lap. He shifts so he’s facing away from Jeno and to the TV. “And it got bigger and bigger. And then we became friends. I never thought I’d get that far.”

“And then he kissed me!” Renjun sits up, and he almost hits a nonplussed Jeno but he doesn’t. “And it transformed into this very giant, very real thing. It was _scary_! Wouldn’t _you_ be scared?”

Jeno considers this before saying he understands what Renjun means. Renjun’s head hurts just thinking about it. When Xuxi stopped trying, Renjun bottled up all the unsaid words and resorted to hating him with his entire being.

In hindsight, that was a very stupid tactic. Renjun knows that now. It tired him out.

“Talk to him,” Jeno finally suggests. “Talk to him and sort this out.”

“I don’t think that’ll fix anything.” Renjun grabs some chopsticks and starts digging into the ramyun. “I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re afraid he might not like you back.”

It _burns_. The ramyun burns Renjun’s tongue and he pretends he doesn’t think about what Jeno had said as he walks to the refrigerator. 

* * *

“Xuxi, can we talk?”

Renjun finds him at the pools right after practice (courtesy of Mark) and Xuxi is just as confused as Renjun as to why he’s doing this.

“I’ll go get changed.”

“I’ll wait outside.”

It’s been two weeks since the swim meet and Renjun finds himself in the same place he was before. Xuxi comes out with his hair damp and in his orange Dragonball Chucks. Renjun resists the urge to call it cute this time.

He wordlessly gestures for Xuxi to walk with him, trailing the same path they did two weeks ago. They reach the sidewalk leading to the university gates, and they find themselves elbow-to-elbow, energy throbbing in the air, once again.

It’s Renjun who breaks the silence again. “Why do you keep pulling me back?”

“What?”

Renjun stops and faces Xuxi. “You asked why I keep walking away. Why do you keep pulling me back?”

Xuxi opens and closes his mouth without saying a word. Renjun stops himself from smoothing out the creases on his forehead. “Because I want you in my life.”

That doesn’t answer Renjun’s question. “ _Why_?!” 

“Because I like you!”

Renjun has always imagined this moment. And hypothetically, he should have softened at the words, looped his arms around his neck, and kissed him silly — but the real thing is different. The real thing makes Renjun laugh in disbelief. 

“You _like_ me?! Ha! As if!”

“I do!”

“Really? Is that why you flirt with every single human being on Earth?”

“Wha— _no_!”

Renjun has had enough. It’s absurd — it’s hard when Renjun has spent too long a time making no secret of his disdain for the boy who snatched his heart and didn’t have the manners to explain why. 

“Okay, I’ll help you with Nurse Sooyoung. Just stop lying to my—”

“Oh my go— _Renjun_!” Xuxi is shaking him by the shoulders now, frustration in his eyes and voice. “I. Like. You.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?!”

“Because you wouldn’t have pretended I didn’t exist after you kissed me if you do!”

Xuxi groans, walking away from Renjun and then starts pacing. He opens up his mouth, pointing his finger to nothing in particular, then closes it again. Renjun feels the eyes of the school guards burn the back of his head, but Renjun’s too confused — too paralyzed to do anything. 

What is this bullshit that Xuxi is telling him now? Why is he trying to disrupt a feeling that’s long been dormant? Why the fuck isn’t he saying anything?

Xuxi comes to his senses and realizes their audience is getting bigger. Renjun doesn’t have the energy to protest so Xuxi pulls him along easily, past the guards, past the gates, past the convenience store they used to always frequent. 

They reach an empty alley, just a few blocks away from Renjun’s dormitory, and Xuxi lets go of Renjun there.

“It was _you_ ,” Xuxi sighs, eyes low and voice shaking in what Renjun’s senses his exasperation. “You were the one who pretended I didn’t exist.”

Renjun is about to object, but Xuxi doesn’t let him. “Don't you remember? You ran away. You didn’t answer my calls. You never replied to my texts. And then the following week, you just—just stopped talking to me altogether. You hated my guts. So I stopped trying.”

It’s been two months since the kiss happened, and Renjun has repressed too many feelings and too many memories, but he knows this part is true. 

Renjun isn’t sure if he’s allowed to believe it. Or if he’s just too scared to allow himself to believe it. But the urgency in Xuxi’s eyes begs him to believe it. It scares the daylights out of Renjun. 

Maybe Jeno is right. He’s scared Xuxi doesn’t like him back as much as he does. And maybe Xuxi is right. Maybe this is all Renjun’s fault. 

For running away. For never giving himself a chance. For always being scared of any sort of romantic intimacy.

But here’s Xuxi now, telling him the water’s fine and he’s free to dive in anytime.

“And I’m sorry, I’m sorry I kissed you. I’m sorry, but I like you. Still. I like you a lot. I think I like you more, even. And I don’t know how—“

Renjun knows that the romantic way to stop Xuxi from talking would be to kiss him squarely on the lips. But he’s a head taller than him, and there’s no way he’ll be able to reach his lips, even if he tiptoes, so he does what does best — he steps on Xuxi’s Dragonball Chucks.

Xuxi gasps, reaching for his shoes to dust off the dirt, and Renjun takes the opportunity to catch his lips in his. Sucking a breath, Xuxi is unsurprisingly surprised and he freezes.

Renjun pulls away, “Well, don’t leave me hanging.” And Xuxi doesn’t miss a beat — he kisses him back.

The kiss is slow and sweet, less urgent and passionate than the first one five months back. Xuxi forgets for a moment that he’s freakishly tall and straightens his back, so Renjun blindly chases for his lips. Xuxi chuckles at the sight and bends down to seal the kiss. The kiss is long and the kiss is so good, it sends electricity down to Renjun’s toes. 

“Mhm, your lips taste the same,” Xuxi whispers, and Renjun pulls him by the collar to kiss him some more. 

A police car passes by, and Renjun wonders if kissing in an alley is considered illegal. When the car doesn’t stop and a police officer doesn’t break them off, he smiles into the kiss, and Xuxi mimics him, carding his fingers through Renjun’s hair. 

They pull apart, they smile at each other and they kiss some more — even when a stray dog starts barking at them. They’re both sweaty and out of breath when they pull apart, and Xuxi cups Renjun’s cheeks to give him another peck.

“So,” Xuxi’s hands fall to Renjun’s and he laces their fingers together, “I hope that means you like me, too.”

“I’ll think about it.” Renjun unclasps their hands and starts walking towards the direction of his dorm. This time, instead of grabbing him by the arm, Xuxi wraps his arms around Renjun, chin resting comfortably in the crook of his neck like two perfect puzzle pieces. 

“I missed you,” Xuxi whispers. “I missed you so much.”

“You saw me almost everyday.”

“I know,” Xuxi stamps a kiss on Renjun’s jaw, “And I loved annoying you. It was better than you ignoring me completely.”

“Obviously,” Renjun rolls his eyes and disentangles himself from Xuxi. He loops his arm through Xuxi’s and clasps their hands together. “I was worried that you actually liked Nurse Sooyoung.”

“Where did you get that idea?”

“I don’t know. I go a little crazy sometimes.”

“Were you jealous?” Xuxi’s smile is cocky, and Renjun wants to kiss it off his face. Instead, he settles for a light punch to the arm. “Okay, okay.”

Xuxi talks all the way to the dorm, and he fills Renjun in on everything he’s missed on his life in all those months they were apart. The sun is setting when they reach Renjun’s dorm building, the perfect golden rays illuminating the glass windows, shining on Xuxi’s grinning face. Xuxi still hasn’t stopped talking and Renjun doesn’t have the heart to stop him. 

So they sit on the bench in front, and they talk and talk for hours until night has fallen and the chilly air has taken over. Xuxi pulls Renjun close, planting a kiss atop his head. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Renjun teases, “You don’t have to keep pretending you hurt yourself to see me now.”

“Hey, my toe _really—“_

_“I like_ you,” Renjun sighs, resting his head on Xuxi’s shoulder. “So don’t hurt yourself. Train hard but don’t push yourself too much, okay? You worry me sometimes.”

Xuxi turns his head towards him. “I won’t. I promise.”

Renjun smiles up at him, and relief washes over him. It’s like he’s been underwater for too long and he’s finally come up for air. He felt free, right there, beside Xuxi. 

**Author's Note:**

> told u they're idiots
> 
> tell me what you think~ kudos/comments appreciated!
> 
> scream with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mrgoldensuh) | or send prompts on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sundazed)


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